Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
