I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize