the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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