You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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