just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
