Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
