Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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