I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize