I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
