he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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