Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
my shit smells like andre
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
