ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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