wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's never too late to be topless.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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