I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
