I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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