I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
