My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize