At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
