dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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