guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
