I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
