Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
