I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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