He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
