I smell stomach acid.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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