rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Randomize
