help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
