Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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