I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
