I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize