my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
