Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
