I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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