One girl and one boy is just not enough.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
