I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
