You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
