i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
