i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
