I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
