I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
