proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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