You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
