I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
