I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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