Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
