our cab driver is having phone sex.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
