i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you traded sex for a burrito?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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