I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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