1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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