i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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