I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
