Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
