If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
