I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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