Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
