I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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