I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
