I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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