A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
