i love accidental penises.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
