We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
