so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
