Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
