he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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