When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
either way he was missing a nipple.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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