Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i think my cat just said my name.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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